Solitaire

Our Amy used to be a happy girl…

wore pretty frocks and curled her hair…

and now?

Our Amy isn’t Amy any more. She is not the same. Not since… you know…

She bought a deck of cards and now she wears black clothes and a headscarf every day to hide her lovely hair…like a gipsy, tied in a knot at the back…and big bangles in her ears like Pat in East Enders.

Doesn’t watch it any more now neither…our house is not a happy house, not now…not since…you know…

Amy has a special table in her room, rickety but you could see it was a nice piece in its day and not one nail in it. It’s just what you needed for the job, no nails in it, just pegged together, never mind the scratches or the marks, still shiny in some places, she would refinish it one day…

She took out the black silk square she kept in a carved wooden box which smelled of Sandalwood and smoothed it out on the table, the deck upon it, and she laid her right open hand carefully on it for a moment, all 32 cards that she needed, charged now with her energy and then she sat down. Curtains drawn, candles lit, incense stick sending white smoky curls towards the ceiling and she took out the queen of hearts from the deck and put it aside…

she shuffled the deck…

made three even piles…with her left hand…

put the middle on the top

and

then the bottom pile on the top of the top…

the way her Gran had done…

Now Amy was ready. She breathed in deeply, out slowly and smiled, her eyes tightly closed. She became someone only she knew, someone who knew and would know even more and she began to lay out the cards as her grandmother taught her a long time ago. Gran had learnt it from a Polish lady and everyone knew that Polish ladies were good at reading the cards.

Top and bottom she laid the cards, slow to part from her hand, above and below the heart queen, right and left…from the heart, she read, a change and documents…the king of spades, a lawyer or a doctor, well, I will see she thought it will all be there…

money was there, a very large sum and a change, and for certain the card said but with some worries…the picture grew…money was always connected with worry… too much of it or too little, that’s for sure, is what Amy thought…

…now there was Granddad in the picture which had grown into a star of cards and a boyfriend, the change would happen in the evening and the boyfriend had the documents…would they get married, she thought? Or might it not be a ring instead?

The doctor or lawyer would bring her some tears but the worries would not happen yet…for certain a friend…and the worries would be in her town…she laid three cards each on the places she wanted to know more about and the last three split into two and one but she kept them together, stronger that way, face down she laid them in a little fan and then she would turn them over very slowly and all was then revealed…

the queen of hearts…tears and work and a letter…she would have bad news…

the boyfriend…ace of hearts upside down meant that he would move away, from her at least, he had found another woman with dark hair…the queen of clubs…no wonder there were tears on her…

money and the telegram…had the Jack of diamonds on it, she might yet win the lottery…

for certain…she was surrounded by friends, two women who loved her…whom she loved right back…

the worries in the town looked very black…on the way a journey at the week-end…all clubs, nine and ten and eight. I might run away if it’s that bad, she thought, it all looks very bleak today…but there are still three left on hearts seven and nine, the family who loved her,

Oh no! Her heart sank…

seven of diamonds…meant talk…

king of hearts…was the man she loved…

ace of spades…upside down…announced a death to be sure…

Her heart started to beat and her breath cam fast and Amy woke as from a dream and saw the candles burning and felt anew the pain that would not leave her…she could always do the cards again…there might be a happier picture for her to see...it might all be changed and not as it was now…a tear escaped her and ran down her cheek…she gathered up the cards, bound them with brown string, blew out the candles, drew the curtains again and let in the light…nothing was changed, everything was still all the same, all as it was…

She has not been the same, our Amy…

not since they came and said for us to sit down first

and

then told us the news.

We only had the two, you see…

and

her brother done the murders see…Amy’s friends… was all too much…

and

we don’t go out no more, not nowhere now…

not since...you know... 

and

in a way

we lost our Amy too…

she don’t talk now no more, just lays the cards, all day.

Our house ain't not a happy house not now…can’t be no more, you see…

and

our Amy ain’t our Amy any more…

she just ain't the same.

Our Amy used to be a happy girl…